My daughter started seeing a guy her first boyfriend when she was 17 against our wishes. So we just hoped it would play out. I felt like something was wrong with him so ran background check, found out he is 28, has no job, no phone, no car, no money and lives with grandmother. The day our daughter turned 18, she got mouthy and hateful, packed her bags and moved in with my parents, against our wishes. I am not going to give her any more money ever. She is planning on marrying and supporting him. He is a lazy, no good bum and I think he is on drugs.
I honestly cannot tell. The best advice I can give you is to enjoy the attention, but don't let it detract from your studies. Believe me, in ten years time, you won't even remember these events, but your exam results will stay with you for the rest of your life. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the first throes of young love. However, you must stay focused and prioritize what your long-term goals are.
Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I have to give my take. Read about sociopath, psychopath, narcissistic personalities and what victims of these munipulating non-human beings do to a person psychologically, emotionally, financially, spiritually. I am a counselor and was almost driven to shoot myself. This monster deliberately tried to give me hiv all the while playing on my empathy and love for him, while telling me it was all my fault.
It was impossible to tell the the truth from fiction, I questioned my sanity through out. The worst and most eye opening experience of my life. Please, stop insinuating to victims that it is part their fault for being deceived and manipulated. It is a very painful ordeal and personally I felt like the stupidest person on earth, and got attacked and blamed by his realm of friends and family who are also being manipulated and lied to and don't have a clue.
Those statements of blaming someone who has done no wrong and is going through such a moment of questioning their self worth and devastation cam mean the difference between life or death.
I have so many clients I run into who thank me for helping them, can you imagine if a monster like this had gotten his way only to replace good deeds with his evil intent. I had no idea such evil people existed in real life. Look up the symptoms of a sociopaths victims, then you will have a small minute glympse of the torment a person was blindly led into.
Like the lobster, being put in the pan before it is heated doesn't realize it is being cooked to death to be feasted upon. There was a time in years past that elderly family members had much to say about their young people's choices of mates.
Mar 25, And as with most things, the parents are the ones left shaking their heads and wondering why their teenager is dating such a loser. The loser status of your teen's new fling was evident the first time you met him or her. You noticed the unkempt hair, the cigarette lighter in his or her back pocket.
Then, more young people listened to them. Now, young people mostly make their own decisions about a mate and marriage without consulting their fathers, mothers and grandparents. It is true that we are responsible for our own happiness, but that includes being responsible and sensible enough to listen to wisdom and people who love us and have always looked out for us when we could not help ourselves.
A good, loving father or brother is usually able to assess the reliability of a daughter's chosen partner. Guys know guys. The one thing we do agree on DashingScorpio is that we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. The point I was trying to get across is that sometimes it is easier for someone on the "outside" to gain a better perspective of situations than someone who is entangled in the middle of it.
You offer some excellent points in this hub. However I would have to slightly disagree with you about the problem not being "you" in the article. I realize we live in an era where everyone wants to point the finger at someone else or anything else when it comes to dealing with issues. The truth is each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
There is no getting around that one. If I go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead Do I curse the onion for not being an apple? I have to learn to become a better "shopper"! You are responsible for your own happiness. It's your life. Take the wheel! One man's opinion! Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
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Aug 15, Ask Your Own Question! Dear Dr. Carver, Thank you for your brilliant articles. Sadly, our beautiful, talented, smart, witty daughter of 22 has been dating a "loser" for six years. She has never dated anyone else. She has broken up with him at least 50 times, but only for a day or two at a time. She is addicted to him. Which is to teach you daughter to control herself. Not to control her behaviour. That means, in this instance, do not jump in a do what feels natural, which is to punch the jerk in the face and throw him out. You will just turn the big loser into a Romeo. This will become the most incredible male on the face of the planet to your daughter. He's clearly not good enough for her, so why the hell would she even look at him? If you don't have that friend, watch it - she might be you! Don't be in denial about it. There are a million reasons why you (and almost every other woman in the world) sometimes fall for a loser.
C L Grant more. Are You Dating a Loser? However, the warning signs are easy to spot. The question is, will you choose to act upon them? He Blows Hot and Cold He loves me, he loves me not. He is unfaithful to you. He asks to borrow money off you. He fails to turn up for a date. All of the above. See results. He Is Self-Obsessed A loser is self-obsessed and only cares about himself and his image.
He Asks to Borrow Money At the beginning of your relationship, a loser will usually insist on paying for everything. A loser will view you as his personal ATM and even develop a sense of entitlement to your money, Whatever you do, never, ever lend a loser any money and, most definitely, do not borrow money or co-sign a loan for him.
Question: All of a sudden, the guy I had been dating confessed that he had been seeing his ex behind my back. Answer: It sounds as if he wanted a way out, or perhaps his ex had given him an ultimatum. Helpful Question: So I started talking to a boy in school.
How To Know If You Are Dating a Loser
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Dec 16, Star, I never in a million years would want to call my own daughter a loser, but the fact is if you hang with losers and keep tripping over yourself to get back in with them, chances are you're a loser too. And that's what I see right now. I am not having too much trouble detaching, but I am having trouble detaching with love. Sep 21, No you are not over reacting . you are just being a caring and a concerned father But sadly I would have to agree with your wife on this that she is a smart adult now and you don't have much control over her life anymore. However I do t. Sep 01, Hi Rene: HELP! My daughter started seeing a guy (her first boyfriend) when she was 17 against our wishes. We tried to make them break up but she said she'd kill herself or runaway if we called the law on him. So we just hoped it would play out. I felt like something was [ ].
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You telling your daughter this is a bad guy is not going to be nearly as eye-opening as when she comes to that conclusion herself. Do you have a question for Rene? She has an answer. Click here and fire away. I totally agree! The time to set the standards of what type of guys were accepted was when she was first starting to talk to boys.
My Teenager is Dating a Loser
And this was when I was Too, the high school riff raff who did like me were afraid to talk to me because of my dad. As a adult, I employ similar criteria when dating. Anyway, she would see very quickly how much her do nothing boyfriend feels about her when I he refusing to walk her home at night. I emphahize. The bigger issue for me here is the disrespect and ungratefulness! I would encourage her and continue to praise her when it came to that.
Make your conversations about college and her future, not him. No car, no cell phone, no apartment. Maybe half on her classes and half on books because those things have nothing to do with him.
But most importantly this mother needs to praypray that God reveals who this guy is to her daughter without irreversible repercussions and that she sees it and is strong enough to act on it.
And this mother needs to ask what lesson am I suppose to learn from this. The hard reality of parenting is that our kids choices are THEIR choices, especially once they become adults. The hardest part about my daughter is she used to be so sweet and laid back. When she met this freak she was 17 and lonely and had neve had a boyfriend. He found her on Facebook and lives here in town. I had no idea he was 28 and had no idea he had been in prison.
When we found these things out,I flipped out and her Dad wanted to make him go missng! We did the best we knew how to do and when we tried to stop it,she was refusing to go to school and said she would kill herself.
We just hope and prayed things would fizzle out and he would move on as well as she would do the same. Now,6 months later she has paid for herself a wedding ring and is working as a waitress and taking her tip money and buying his cigs and whatever else he wants. I am just heart broken. It is the fact that she refuses to talk to us and has a bad attitude.
She is willing to not have anything to do with us her family the ones who truly love her. Thats what hurts so bad and to see him take advantage of her and no be able to do anything about it. The thing is she has severe asthma and he smokes around her and she has arthritis and auto immune hemolytic anemia. I have spoiled her I guess. We bought her a car,paid for the gas and insurance.
A cell phone,nice clothes from the mall and ortho for her teeth. We always paid for extras like hair and getting her nails and toes done up for special things like prom and graduation.
Always told her everyday how much she means to us all and how much we love her so very much. Her Dad always did te best he knew but he never knows what to say to her. Her dad and I have been married for almost 19 years and have always did our best. Her dad said we gave her too much and everything when she wanted. She has long wante her freedom and now she has it. I did sign the title of her car ove but she will have to pay her own insurance ,gas,cell phone and whatever else.
I will however continue to pay for her ortho which she has 9 months on.
I have decided I am not going to contact her anymore,at least for a while. For one she had her cell changed and I have to go through my Mom who tells her we are trying to control her.
I do pray everyday for her and my family. Thanks for the advice yall.
Why is my daughter dating a loser
Rene Syler. Kellie: Thanks for writing in. Listen, I do think this is going to resolve itself; I truly do. But it may take a while. I like your plan of not contacting her. I predict she comes around, I really do. Let us know how it goes and hang in there!
Hi Kellie, can you give us an ate on the situation with your daughter? I read your letter and it looks like I wrote it please let me know so I can know what to expect. Your email address will not be published. Taking care of ME! Happy Monday!