Most people need time to recover from their first marriage. If they jump into a new relationship too soon, they may have more difficulty establishing trust and a strong emotional bond with a new partner. Statistics back up the fact that marriages formed by couples in rebound relationships are more likely to fail than ones that develop more slowly. Those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their wounds and raw emotions have calmed. This signifies a rebound relationship has begun. Fixating on someone new can be a way to deny your hurt and anguish from a breakup. In fact, getting involved in a rebound relationship will usually not allow you to have sufficient time to heal.
I left my husband when I discovered he was a closeted homosexual.
He had been lying to me and to himself for our entire nine-year relationship. When I left him I was devastated, although the relationship had grown dysfunctional, I was still deeply in love and a dedicated wife. My marriage had been celibate for a prolonged period of time, and I desperately longed for a relationship with a straight man. I found it almost too easily and only four months after leaving my husband.
He was a man who I had known casually in my social group of friends.
Rebound dating after divorce
He was handsome, charming, and we had a lot of the same interests. We sort of discovered through mutual friends that we both had a crush on each other, so it seemed inevitable that we would end up together. He even remembered the moment we first met years earlier, which was fuzzy to me, but he could recall it in startling detail. And he resembled a taller, younger version of my husband.
It was as if I had found the straight version of the man I had just left. I knew it was a dangerous situation and I avoided getting involved at first.
The Rebound Relationship: Bouncing Back After Divorce
I had so many fears - was it too soon? Would this end up making my depression worse? Was it because he reminded me of my ex?
But it happened, the universe finally put us together, and for a brief period in my life it was pure magic. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world to have fallen from that complete and utter disaster that was my divorce into something that felt so perfect. And he seemed just as excited as I was; it felt like the ideal love affair. But the cracks started to form almost immediately. I was deeply depressed, a depression that is almost too difficult to describe now.
I couldn't sleep through the night, I had difficulty eating, I cried constantly, I suffered panic attacks, I had general anxiety, overwhelming fears dominated my thoughts, and my moods would turn on a dime. I lost 20 pounds and dropped two dress sizes in a few months, had frequent asthma attacks, and was constantly sick; physically, and emotionally I was falling apart. I also wasn't used to dating, I was used to being married.
Dating is not anywhere near being married. I didn't know how to make the transition; I was suffocating, smothering and desperate for his affection.
I will never know his motivations but I can't blame him for walking away from an obvious train wreck. He had his own problems as everyone does, and I was just a disaster of a human being. When it ended it felt like being dropped off an emotional cliff. I was already so damaged from my divorce and now my first attempt at love was an implosion of epic proportions.
For some people, that happens before they move out. Others are still emotionally married after the divorce is final." Dena Roche started dating while waiting for . Rebound relationships can be defined as romantic relationships that begin shortly after a previous relationship has ended but before the emotions tied to that previous relationship have been. June 03, (0) Comments Categories: Relationships and Dating Tags: dating, Dating after Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Recovery, rebound About Terry Gaspard I am a licensed therapist, college instructor, and non-fiction author specializing in divorce, remarriage, women's issues, children, and relationships.
For months I tormented myself over the whole affair, beating myself up for all of the mistakes I had made. I tried to start another relationship only to have that blow up in my face almost the exact same way.
I kept blaming myself - what if I had waited? What if I had been healthier? Would either relationship have worked out differently? Eventually I convinced myself that it didn't matter. I would never know that alternate reality and life doesn't work with a reset button. The damage was done; the trust was shattered on both sides and couldn't be repaired.
Jan 15, After divorce, are you only destined for rebound relationships? Rebound relationships are, by definition, almost always setup to fail. A lot of people believe that a rebound relationship is defined by time-that dating soon after a breakup or divorce alone indicates a rebound, but that's not always the case. Be wary of dating shortly after your divorce. Distracting yourself from the pain does not help you get over the emotional distress, and many guys make the same mistake: They hurdle forward with the first person who gives them a wink and a smile. Casual dating can be fun, and divorce allows you to experience the dating scene again. However, it. Mar 24, A rebound is a courtship that occurs shortly after the breakup of a significant relationship or marriage. The act of moving quickly from a long-lasting partnership into another coins the term "rebound." In some instances, a rebound relationship can even start before a breakup if the couple has distanced themselves emotionally from each other.
In fact, getting involved in a rebound relationship will usually not allow you to have sufficient time to heal. As a newly divorced woman with two school-age children, I plunged into a rebound relationship with someone who provided solace, companionship, and emotional and sexual intimacy.
Oct 22, Dating After Divorce: Rebounds and Supernovas I don't know why they call them rebound relationships. When I think of a rebound I think of a ball bouncing off of a wall, which is a fairly tame jankossencontemporary.com: Juliet Jeske. Sep 30, You can and will love again after divorce, but vulnerability can certainly encourage distorted judgment. Can the rebound relationship become something solid and endure? It certainly can happen, but you need to take the time necessary to be sure it's more than momentary magic or a tempting transition.
Since neither one of us had healed sufficiently from our recent divorces, the relationship ended after six months. In my case, my rebound relationship was a reminder that I was desirable and capable of having passionate feelings that had been dormant for many years.
However, it did delay my healing from my divorce and I was very distressed when this new romance ended abruptly.
In other words, escaping by means of a rebound relationship can prevent you from gaining insight into the reasons your marriage ended and the lessons you need to learn from it.
Is the first relationship after divorce always a rebound?
Consequently, getting involved in a rebound relationship can be a risky proposition. On the other hand, dating several different people casually can give you the opportunity to figure out what type of partner you need to thrive. It makes sense to explore ways rebound relationships can be avoided. If you decide to start dating within the first year after your divorce, do your best to have an open conversation with your new partner about your objectives and attempt to have realistic expectations of yourself and others.
If you go into a rebound relationship with your eyes wide open, you stand a better chance of recovering more quickly if it ends badly. Being cautious as you proceed into the dating world post-divorce will serve you well in the long-run!
As a therapist, I am interested in helping people adapt to the challenges they experience related to divorce and remarriage.
I became a published writer while attending graduate school in the s, where I began researching the long-term impact of parental divorce and remarriage. My interest in the lives of women who grew up in divorced families began with my own experience.
My passion for this topic grew as my clinical practice included many daughters of divorce and I experienced divorce.