FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Dating while depressed? I am also more than ever rather lonely, and would like a partner. I worry that subconsciously I am looking for someone to help "fix" and take care of me during this depression, which is not the best reason to date and would be unfair to whatever partner I might find. Then again, this loneliness could very well be contributing to my depression. Would it be a bad idea to date under these circumstances?
I need to be alone and figure my shit out for myself before I can date. She was always in and out of mental hospitals; she had breakdowns, would attempt suicide, underwent electroshock therapy.
As I started to grow up, I realized I had some problems of my own. Right now, I'm dealing with depression and anxiety. I was going over to my ex-partner's house after work, which sometimes is when anxiety strikes and it's hard to be on the same page as everyone. They had a bunch of friends over, which I wasn't expecting. One person was talking about how awesome their mom was. I was trying to explain in a calm way that this is why I wasn't engaging, but that I didn't wanna blame the person because maybe they didn't understand.
Dating while depressed
They started crying and freaking out and said I came out of nowhere, ruining the night, and making it about me. It was hard to explain that I wasn't in control, and at the same time I felt guilty and blamed myself. I didn't wanna be the center of attention; I don't wanna be shitty at social interactions. I started feeling really apathetic, and would cry for no reason.
I realized something was wrong, and I took a medical leave of absence from school. Well, when I was 20, I got my first boyfriend. It was the end of my sophomore year of college, and I was in his car and I kept my antidepressants in this little bag in my backpack.
Jan 29, Dating while depressed? January 29, PM Subscribe Due to various life happenings, I am not in a great place mindset-wise and have more than a tinge of depression. Apr 07, We Asked Young People What It's Like to Date While Anxious and Depressed Dating with a mental illness can really fucking suck. Stigmas abound, and often make otherwise promising prospects turn Author: Sheherzad Preisler. Dating while depressed. What do yall think about dating while being depressed? A big part or my depression is due to loneliness and very much missing being in a relationship so dating seems like an obvious thing to do. Yet people are always saying things like you have to love yourself or be happy in your own before finding someone to love you.
It fell onto the floor, and he totally freaked. His first question was if I was a drug dealer-I was like, really? I have five pills in this bag. I decided to open up to him because, well, I lost my virginity to him and thought I could trust him.
He got really weird after that. He thought anything he did or said would make me slit my wrists. I wouldn't even be upset, and he'd still be so uncomfortable around me.
We broke up later that week-for other reasons-but him finding out about my depression was definitely the catalyst. Our relationship had lasted three weeks. My BPD is the main reason my relationships fail; it's the worst part. No one understands. Everything just feels like the end of the world to me, and I just feel things so much more.
When has that affected one of your relationships? My first love's best friend felt threatened by me for whatever reason. I began to panic and cry, and my girlfriend started spitting out textbook symptoms of BPD.
Maintaining Relationships When You Have Depression. Depression symptoms aren't just hard on the depressed person. They can take a toll on all the people in his or her life. Aug 16, Dating can be a challenge when you're depressed. That said, meeting someone can also be a source of joy. These 10 simple tips can help you ace your date. Jul 20, A challenging part of dating while depressed is a challenging part of dating in general: Putting yourself out there in ways that won't make you want to jankossencontemporary.com: Maria Sherman.
She called me an abuser, manipulative, and crazy. She wasn't understanding the complexities of my mental illness. Then she kicked me out without anything-including my jacket and shoes, and it was winter. They weren't understanding, but at least they gave me a quarter to call my best friend to pick me up. What happened after that? Her friend started making cutting motions at her neck and wrist and laughing, implying that I should just kill myself. My ex didn't talk to me for two months after that, and I was left rethinking my entire life.
The dating question is a bit tricky.
I think dating is a good idea but you need to be careful. People with depression and anxiety can sometimes rush into things head on.
If things don't work out they have set themselves up for a big fall. My advice is to go for it but go into the relationship with your eyes open. Your have as much right to be happy as anyone else. If this man makes you happy then why would you want to resist that. Try and be realistic about things though. Not all relationships work out. I like to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. This could be the man of your dreams who will make you very happy.
It may turn out he is not the man for you or you are not the girl for him.
"I convince myself that I can't open up to people because there's definitely a stigma."
If you give the relationship a go and it works out then that's great. If it does not work out then at least you have tried and you have prepared yourself for any disappointment. If you don't give the relationship a go then you will never know and you will always wonder. You cant live life rejecting happiness just in case you get hurt. I'm not really sure when would be the right time to tell him about your issues. If it was me, I would wait for a while. Just see how the relationship goes.
Depression can be debilitating if we let it control our lives. If you are happy then you are much more likely keep it away.
You need to get out and live a little. Mbuna I have seen a psychologist but she wasn't very helpful. Im hoping to find another one but don't know who would be good at dealing with someone with low self-esteem and body image issues. Also JessF i totally understand what you mean by filling that void with a relationship.
To be honest, i wasn't and im still not looking for anything mainly because i wanted to focus on myself.
Maintaining Relationships When You Have Depression
I really don't want to ruin it or be the reason it doesn't work out. One of the reasons im too scared to date him is because i feel he is too good for me or that he can do better and i start thinking of all the girls who are better than me. This really gets me down and i guess i just run away from situations like this because i don't feel im good enough. This also temporarily puts a hold onto your depression, because you're on top of the moon, but it hasn't stopped it, it's still there unfortunately, but at this stage you can handle it, so you feel great.
Dating and Depression Tips Part 1
Like all relationships there are disagreements, he has secrets just as you do, we all have them even when a marriage lasts for 20 years, in which case maybe these secrets get bigger, that's our choice and whether or not we want to share them with our partner purely depends on how we feel they will take it, and if it's going to upset them or annoy them then they stay a secret.
Approach this new love as you would with open arms, and if for any reason you have a bad day, then at first just explain to him 'that you have these days occasionally', so no at the moment let your depression be annoyed because you're having a good time.
L Geoff. It'll be easier if you're required to pretend you're fine. Go ahead and date unless a psychologist tells you otherwise. I've asked myself this question a lot, and I get gloomy about all the popular advice basically saying that only people who are happy without a partner should seek a partner, and that it's unfair to ask your partner to help you be happy.
If it's no longer legitimate to want companionship when you're lonely, or comfort and support when you're suffering, then the only reason left for dating is sex. Casual buddies will suffice for everything else, and wanting anything more often seems to be considered a form of immaturity today, as if the only legitimate place to be needy is in your therapist's office.
I guess I disagree with this conventional wisdom, and I wonder if it might have evolved from the notion of "codependency" that was popularized by Melody Beattie in the late 's which was a decade when a lot of other current ideas we Americans have about self-reliance and the shamefulness of asking for support also became popular. Beattie was originally referring to women taking care of their alcoholic spouses, but it's easy to imagine how this specific idea might broaden to the point where we have Dan Savage, 25 years later, saying more or less that only healthy people should date: 1 People who take care of their alcoholic partners are "codependent," meaning that they need the sick person to stay sick so they can keep taking care of them, because this is their primary source of self-worth.
My response to the idea that you shouldn't date is to say: 1 We're big fans here at Ask Metafilter of treating other people like adults who are capable of making their own decisions.
Why shouldn't this extend to potential dating partners? They are presumably able to make their own adult decision about whether to date, or to continue dating, someone who's depressed.
Which means that as long as you're honest and open about it, you're doing nothing wrong.
And if we're both supporting one another it doesn't seem quite so unfair. I think that your being in a state of mind to even ask this question is a sign that it's okay to date. I'm not saying that you should definitely, actively do it, but I don't think you have anything precluding you from dating. I think the kind of circumstance where you don't want to be dating is when you're spiraling, self-destructive, and would be too out of your mind to even consider how your depression could affect someone else.
I was depressed for much of my mid-to-late teens and didn't do anything close to dating until my 20s.
May 21, The negative stigma attached to depression can dissuade depressed people from dating or from talking about their mental health. The stigma surrounding depression not only makes people apprehensive Author: Theresa Massony. Feb 16, Dating while depressed: wouldnt that make a great game show? Like Perfect Match (anyone remember that?) I'm going to be serious now Preenaaa. I have been in the same position as you, and only about a year ago too, so not too long ago. I decided to try dating, and got myself attached to someone very closely. Too closely, I think. Dating while fighting depression can be extra stressful. Don't let depressive thoughts spiral out of control, or generalize to thinking things will never work out. It takes effort to find a relationship, so remember to give yourself credit for each step you take - if it doesn't go as hoped, see what you can learn from the experience and.
I was already on the come-up when I met my boyfriend, but he gave me a huge push forward. He supports me during my emotional valleys, but with each episode, I actually feel stronger and more independent yet more loved and willing to accept love, which used to be a foreign concept to me. It wouldn't hurt to wait until you're in a better frame of mind, but when I wasn't doing so well, meeting some people on okcupid for coffee once in a while actually helped dispel the notion that I was a hideous freak who was doomed to be single forever.
Most of these were one-offs, either or both parties didn't turn out to be interested, but then you do meet someone and click, and off you go. Just take it slow at first, and I think you'll be fine. I've been on SSRIs and seen therapists, but this "love" thing is a whole 'nother drug. Well, you might feel most comfortable with someone also going through something right now.
Or, you might start comparing yourself to them and coming to unhelpful conclusions, or you may hide how you feel without addressing the problem, or your problem might become the focus of the relationship, which may tire the other, or bring them into their own depression. Or another thing could happen. I did not make great choices when I was depressed.
I also did not have great support at the time. One point to keep in mind, will you be able to manage okay if you get cold dumped by someone you were really starting to care about? That's what happened to me when I tried dating while in a real slump. I didn't date again until I was feeling more stable, there's no way I could have taken another punch like that while in the mental space I was in.
If you're dating while depressed, this expert advice can help you connect in spite of the difficulty. Dating With Depression: Expert Tips to Help You Succeed. Dating can be difficult; but dating with depression is a whole other challenge. Here, advice to help you navigate the process.
Also consider how it will feel to jump into dating and be faced with the standard numbers game and quick rejections everyone who dates deal with. Unless you are currently eyeing someone you know if interested, chances are you'll spend a good deal of time wading into it before you meet anyone. If that wouldn't drag your emotional state down, I say go for it, but honestly everyone finds that step to be one of the least enjoyable parts of "partnering". When I was depressed and super lonely and not in a good place self-esteem-wise, I gravitated towards people who were in the same place.