Posted by Sandy Weiner in dating after divorce , online dating after 40 , self-esteem in dating 23 comments. Kathy has been dating Larry for three years. A better description would be occasionally seeing each other. Very occasionally, as in one date every six months or so with occasional phone calls and emails in between, always initiated by Kathy. When a guy is interested in a woman, he usually escalates the relationship, from first email to first call, to first date, to dating weekly, and on and on until they are in a relationship. Why did Kathy pursue Larry if he showed no signs of obvious interest?
She let Larry know that she cared deeply about him and was ready for a relationship. She decided to pull her profile off of Match. No pressure for him to follow suit.
But she wanted to give the relationship a chance to grow and see what develops.
She let Larry know her standards and her intention. She intended to date him exclusively. She told him to take his time and proceed at his own pace.
And guess what Larry did? He started to date her regularly. He accompanied her to some important life events, where he met her kids and her parents. He began to call many nights a week. He thanked her for being so patient with him. Your pace may be very different from his. You may feel ready for commitment before he does. You never know if the timing is just not right for him. And pressuring him would be the absolute wrong thing to do. Quite the opposite: I suggest that if you meet a quality guy whose timing is off, continue dating other men and living a full and meaningful fun life.
I am in this situation now and I am about ready to cut all ties. I feel that my patience has run thin but this is the man that I want for life!
I have to go out with others before I drive myself crazy. I would not recommend this slow pace for most people. No man is worth driving yourself insane. Sandy, I am in a similar situation. We met a couple of times. At this moment, he is very busy with work and is very involved with his younger child. We have a lot in common and we get along very well, but his mind is full. He is slow, careful and patient.
Patience is Key in Dating. Posted by Sandy Weiner in dating after divorce, online dating after 40, self-esteem in dating | 23 comments. Kathy has been dating Larry for three years. Okay, maybe 'dating' is too strong a word. A better description would be occasionally seeing each other. Very occasionally, as in one date every six months or so. Understanding the Real Need of Patience in Relationships. Whoever said 'Patience is a virtue' knew what he was talking about. Learn the importance of patience and how keeping it can affect and transform your relationships for the better. Dating Requires Patience - Jennifer Heeren - Read about Christian dating and get advice, help and resources on Christian single living. Patience is a fruit of the spirit that God taught me during Author: Jennifer Heeren.
He may not have time and energy for a relationship at this moment. I always initiate contact. He promptly responds to texts and calls. I am in no hurry. So, I will keep it this way because it is always a pleasure to contact him, and I would love to have a relationship with him. Full life, young child. His focus is not on building a relationship with you. I encourage you to date other men. Or you can date other men who are ready right now for a relationship.
I suggest the latter. Ask yourself this question: If nothing changed a year from now, would you be okay with the way things turned out? I guess Sandy that I accept this non-situation because I am also not ready for any real relationship.
Dating requires patience and pacing. Men tend to fall in love faster, but they fall out of love faster, too! Pacing allows you to test the sincerity and worthiness of your suitor. Don't be so eager to say, "Yes" too soon. Don't see him more than once or twice a week at first. Don't go on week-long vacations. Save it for your honeymoon! Sep 26, How I learned to get over being impatient while dating. From Our Readers. September 26, am Here's how I learned to combat my impatience in the dating world. Talk about it. Maybe you sleep together a few times and then part ways, or maybe you end dating for years. The point is the interaction as a whole has more meaning when it develops organically. She'll enjoy herself more, and the sex will almost always be better when there's been time for real attraction to develop.
I am protecting myself with someone who is also not available. We both have been deeply hurt. Relationships with people who are not suitable or unavailable is a great strategy. Yes he knows I am going to call. He also knows I have potential. We are going to travel for a fun weekend in September. We have a very similar background and life experiences. I am a busy person. We are both very patient.
We talk a lot about our pains and our problems.
We kind of support each other and appreciate each other for that. It may even be that we should be friends. It would be good enough if we were friends. Sounds like you are self-aware and going in with eyes open.
I wish you the best of luck. And I encourage you to maintain your sense of dignity throughout. Hi, I really enjoyed this article and am in a semi-similar situation myself. I have a question, though, about the advice you gave here in the comments to El vs. Could you please give your thoughts on that, Sandy? Thank you! I think it can be hard. I think the work will clear up a bit. Which he says he does just stressed.
However in my case I broached to my guy, he mentioned to me last week he brings his work home works half hour than takes break. Want to finish in a year so I get promoted.
But it could actually be really beneficial to me to have set concentrated study times for this season in my life. But in this situation, I have stuff of my own I can legitimately do, that will legitimately help me. Now is the ideal way I would like to have a relationship. No, I want to have fun with him do all kinds of fun stuff.
But it sounds like its just this year, and as mentioned in my own schedule, I want to bunker down too. So maybe we can bunker down together. If you feel cherished, prioritized, cared for, etc. If not, speak about it, and see how he responds. Hello Sandy, I have been dating this guy for about 2 months. The first month was just texting. Every time I contacted him he was working.
I have seen him twice in the 2 months. We live hr away.
He said he does like me. After the second time we spent time together, he started calling me more then suddenly it became less and less. He says he has a lot on his plate. He thanked me for being patient. I hesitate to contact him.
I am not sure what my next move should be. Please advice. Thanks, Beatrice. Words and actions must match.
Know what your must haves are, and state them clearly to men. They will let you know. Thank you so much for your prompt response.
I tend to justify it by telling myself that he is working and has a lot on his plate plus the distance.
Impatience Never Commands Success
I keep hearing from different people that this is the way it is at the beginning and to not ask too much of a guy since we just started dating. They have this drive that they want satisfied And then when it is Poof!
They chase after that one girl who has "it," that elusive thing they can't figure out-the girl that makes them frustrated. They want that toy on the top shelf that mommy gets down on rainy days. No matter that they have a chest full of toys to play with already Men chomp at the bit for more But be smart!
Give them just a little. We call this showing them just a little leg and then pulling it back. And then they have to wait in anticipation for more? This is how men fall deeply in love. Girls used to say I was the queen of pacing. That they could not imagine a man waiting a week to see me and still be in there. They always admired me for holding off on sex for months And I mean months!
Ninety-Six Percent of Americans Are So Impatient They Knowingly Consume Hot Food or Beverages That Burn Their Mouths, Finds Fifth Third Bank Survey This universal impatience is what led Fifth.
I learned really fast, and heartache is a great teacher. What I wanted was a man who loved me. The way I learned that was, love at first sight. Might work for some? But I have seen that fizzle out fast. When I pace the relationship The sparks The flame The sizzle Grows and grows That man gets to feel for maybe the first time in his life real excitement, real anticipation.
He can't wait to see you. You are always on his mind. He can't stop calling you every night. He just can not get enough of you. I only hope you can experience this at least once in your life!
It is amazing! Come here [the Secret Rules Group] before you "give in" to a guy's demands on your time, texting, phone calls. Come here and post. Sit on your hands.
How I learned to get over being impatient while dating
Dating requires patience and pacing. Save it for your honeymoon! Let him be the one to do it!
Rewards vs. Work Pacing works!