Very important difference! Having bad, negative mindsets will create instability and eventually relationship failure. First things first: BPD is a cluster B personality disorder. Bipolar is different in that it is a mood disorder. While some of the behavior you experience might seem very similar, a personality disorder can be much more erratic and inconsistent than a mood disorder. This is what makes BPD a much more difficult type of relationship to deal with. This is my philosophy after all.
When your boyfriend is in a stable mood, pay close attention to what environmental triggers precipitated and are maintaining the stability. Often there are specific environmental stressors or soothers - including relationship issues - that influence mood swings. Use the soothers to help maintain the mood that both of you are desiring.
Realize what keeps you sane in your relationship. Sometimes it's your job, for which you occasionally travel. Or maybe you just plain need to get some space from your boyfriend every now and then. This is healthy and okay. Whether you can insert humor into the situation and get a good response is highly individual. However, often humor is a good way of helping someone with bipolar disorder. It lightens the mood and can help them, even if it's just making a depressive episode less dark.
Despite the mood swings, your boyfriend can tell you what he needs. Ask your boyfriend the best things you can do when he slips into an undesirable mood. On the 4th day there he says he has a meeting to attend at He leaves at I wait untilno answer to call or text. No answer.
I suspect something else was up.
The next day he gets sick at work, yet we go to purchase a very expensive soundbar. We get gas near home. He broke my phone. I stay 2 more days, fly home. I have never in my life had a man to be so rude to me. It was horrible and scary. He sends these ugly texts and voicemails, none of which I responded to. He changed his number, then decides to call me ranting some more and gave left the new number for me.
I really have no questions after reading all of this stuff. I responded to his text by saying the first few days were really great, that I enjoyed them, but that I too am baffled as to what it was all about. Baffled. Oh, and btw, he actually was out on a date with the new girl 25 miles away while I was waiting! This was on the 4th day of my visit, after such a beautiful Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and partial Tuesday about-face!
The arrogant, belligerent, brutal brute that he became was unimaginable! Last thing, I spent countless hours, time and money building him up, encouraging him to become more, only for him to become successful and do a and say oh well, think I want to spend all of this goodness on someone else now! Great job, you! In all honesty, I think these articles are great. However, I think you make us BPD girlfriends sound more manipulative and monstrous than we actually are.
I would really, really appreciate it if you could actually touch on the thought processes of the BPD mind more often, because you offer a lot of talk about misunderstanding the girlfriend, and not quite enough on what there actually is to understand. Seriously though, these are great and the only thing holding me back from forwarding your articles to my other half is the fact that there is way too much emphasis on protecting oneself.
I agree that is key to survival, but a relationship really should not be about survival. Like I always say, every Borderline is different.
Some are insane, others are quiet and such. I stayed because of the porn like sex and thought I fell in love but realize non e of it was true, just a lie.
Mine went from wanting to go to Vegas and get married, claiming I was her greatest love ever in life to calling the police and accusing me of DV when I peacefully came to her home to give her apartment keys back after we broke up. She seriously lost her shit and after I was in jail proceeded to get drunk and behave like a whore.
1. Learn What Turns Your Partner Off
It may say worth it but this is the reality of how they can and will destroy other peoples lives and still claim to be the victim. Lol well this is what happens when sex becomes a huge deal for you. Sex is like 30 minutes of a 24 hour day. Wife of 20 years. Bi polar 1. Constant ups and downs. Financial nightmares. Neglect of children and home. Drug abuse. Alcohol abuse.
Drove me nuts. I would fight and verbally abuse her endlessly when she lied or neglected her responsibilities. Now in hindsight I wish I did.
She never took her medicine and constantly marginalized the severity of her illness. Now after a horrid break, following several years of a crappy, loveless marriage I have found my own sanity again.
Hell, I voluntarily submitted to ECT to eliminate my depression. It worked. Now separated from my wife I have decided to attempt a reconciliation. She is now taking her medicine and is clearly stable. I am spending a weekend with her soon a date and am seeking advice on how I should proceed. What is craziest of all is as soon as my depression lifted my life got infinitely better and my love and desire for her came pouring back in like a torrent.
Am I nuts to try and salvage this thing? There are kids involved, too. She leapt at the idea of the date. Hey this is easy man, just be yourself and have a good time on the weekend. Just enjoy your time together, keep it simple and relaxed. No pressure. Just enjoy yourselves. Have zero expectations. No judgments, no arguments. Leave the past in the past. We have been together 8years and I have known all along that he has bi polar but over time has had reason to suspect BPD and definitely alcoholism.
I have love, supported, ignored and excused. And what do I do now? Stay or go. I see a lot of his characteristics within other members of his family too. His mother is a compulsive liar who feels the need to manipulate and control everyone. She often tries to hide behind religion and although seems to come across as a very well presented woman, she does in fact have other ulterior motives that only benefit herself. Is it normal to sleep in the same bed as your mother? I often wonder if this is why he is like he is.
I do feel somewhat sorry and pity towards him but then the other sides to him quickly change my view. Since we have been living apart he has deliberately scalded himself and has mixed medication and alcohol to cope with his suicidal thoughts.
Can our marriage be saved? Which to me it sounds like you gotta go. Enjoy your freedom from this man. Work on yourself, give your children the best environment you can.
Having him away from your kids is a good thing for them, believe me. Turns out he lives 80 miles from me now, pure coincidence since we grew up 1, miles from here. We exchanged numbers started talking every night for hours, after a few weeks we finally saw each other and spent the weekend in my city.
We decided to be exclusive and picked up where we left off 25 years ago, it was sweet and amicable. Everything was wonderful then 2 months into it I asked him about a photo that was taken while I was out of town, he flipped out on me, started pacing the apartment yelling at me, his rage came out of nowhere, sobbing I left my apt for work when I returned he took all my food and my extra apt key! Back and forth texting fighting ensued for weeks. Back story, we dated in high school and I was bullied by a girl who liked him too, eventually it ended I never told him about he bullying.
So, 5 years ago he married said bully, he started seeing her after being away for 20 years. Furious at this I emailed the wife and had it out with him. Lie to me about his wife?
Whether you have bipolar disorder or are dating someone with the condition, learn what you can do to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Author: Brian Krans. Navigating any romantic relationship - whether it's dating or marriage - can be a tricky endeavor. Add bipolar disorder with its roller-coaster ride of emotions into the mix, and relationships Author: Stephanie Watson. Dating someone with bipolar disorder can be challenging, because you can't control when your partner experiences a mood shift. To help your relationship .
I am still trying to understand wtf I did for this to happen! In the beginning of our fight I was trying to make up with him, just move on from this, it turned into a horrible exchange over a period of 5 weeks, I blocked him on FB and my phone.
How does a person go from wonderful to a monster instantly? It turned bad because this guy clearly has issues that are far bigger than you. At least you got out early before it got serious so give yourself a pat on the back for that. That is just silly. Would you sit and argue with a 5 year old?
We broke up in August of after snooping through my phone to find things. She made me out to be a cheater cause my Facebook activity showed me liking random video posts and a friend request like two a girl a thought knew.
In the past, usually, some event would happen were end up together hanging out, next thing I know we are back together. The hater phase would more than not end up in break up and the cycle continues.
Throughout the years, her number one thing to randomly attack me over was that we never moved forward. I never proposed to her. We never could accomplish that. I realize now a lot of that was my fault because of how I treated her. Not bad, but after the initial high of a week or two being together, I believe I curves my behavior to go into a protective shell waiting for her to blow up over something and leave.
I heard a rumor from a distant friend that she was sleeping with my old best friend when we were broken up. I came at her pretty aggressive trying to get to the bottom of it for about a week off and on.
She acted nuts when I confronted her, but change the subject and it was almost like I never questioned her. Before even questioning her, I wanted her back, but was trying to be strong. Now after re-analyzing our entire relationship after the news. I decided I wanted her back at any cost. Anyway, needless to say, my head was not in the right place trying to talk to her about getting back together. I felt like if we moved forward and I proposed and we started working on a wedding date it would, remove a lot of bitterness from not moving forward in the past and help ease her insecurities.
Needless to say, I was so wrong. I made all the classic mistakes that I typically would not have made in the past. She immediately brought a new guy into the picture that she met two weeks prior to me questioning her.
I stopped by her house to talk to her and say a goodbye which went ok. We hugged and i left. On way home had car trouble and called her for help. She first said she was coming to get me, but later told me she was not. I ended up walking to her house, charged my phone, got a cab home. Next thing I know, I have a restraining order against me stating a one sided embellished story that paints a completely different picture. I immediately went and filed a counter one against her based off irrational threatening txts to me and the false reports.
Her order of protection was passed previously this month, but mine against her was pushed out to next week. The temp order of protection is still in place. My first instinct is to drop it because I love her, but on the other hand if I do that, I believe I play into her and come across weak when me being weak and putting myself out there too much is what got me into this situation. Knowing what I know now about BPD Is scary, but makes me want her even more cause now I have knowledge and understanding for myself instead of per confusion and their obviously is help out there for this.
Ideally, we both drop the bs, turn the intensity to great intimacy like we have so many times in the past, but this time move forward and get the needed mental help for both of us. Curious of what your thoughts and how me putting an order of protection against her like she did. What are the pros and cons from how she will interpret each path in the long run? What are your thoughts? I mean you basically sent a restraining order as well which I think was pretty cool lol.
So in all honesty, the best move here is to just keep that order going and ignore her. Like I rarely advocate no contact, but this is one of those cases where you should go no contact with her for a bit.
If she reaches out to you, then you can slooooowly amp it up over time. Hi Rick. I reassured i would never leave herand i would be just as hurt. She would tell me things like i was her best friend and i believed it.
After the first time we made love she cried and told me she was damaged. She told me i was her best friend and i felt the same. She seemed depressed. My fiance said something like if that had been you or us she would be donei said you would break up with me over a sentence? And she said nobody talks to me that wayi was kind of shockedthe day before she broke up with me she texted me saying i was the love of her life.
She sent all my belongings in the mail 2 days later. I have tried to reach out to her several times through text.
That made her really angry. I texted the next day i was sorry. So i sent her a 4 page letter explaining why i said what i saidand told her i was aware that her issues and fears of her past are very real and we can even go get counseling together. I also sent her all of her favorite chocolate s as an apology gesture. I said i will not contact you again and it finally sunk in that you want nothing more to do with me.
Take this as a big learning experience. But you really did everything wrong with this girl from the very beginning, you broke every rule in the book and did everything that only pushes women away. So like I said, just use this as a learning experience going forward. You have a lot of mindset issues that would need to be addressed and a complete overhaul of the way you think about relationships. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years now, and i have always been very supportive and caring to my boyfriend who has bpd, he got diagnosed for bpd 5 months ago.
My childhood has been difficult because i grew up with my mom who also has bpd, i had a rough childhood moving from home to home since i ended up in the child welfare and was places in foster homes. What I really want to know is if your boyfriend knows he has issues? Does he try to work on himself or is he in pure denial? Rick, I will try to put this a short as possible. I need your help please. Recently, and I hate to put the label on her, but have determined she is BPD, with the exception of being suicidal, she checks off every other bit of criteria.
I think it would have driven me crazy. Ever since I have left, we have stayed in contact. She tells me she loves me, but then will go on and on about how bad and mean I was to her? I will admit I did stand up for myself, sometimes with anger, my mistake. I never realized what I was dealing with, until recently. Rick, I do love her a lot, so much so, I have asked myself do I have the emotional stability to handle this type of relationship. Can I train my mind and my spirit to learn how to live and love this women and still be happy.
She can be the most loving and respectfully person in the world, but during the times she is raging, she can be the meanest.
However, she seems to change the story, and takes no responsibility for her actions, and makes everything my fault. Is that possible? Can you help? Sorry to be redundant but, can you help me? Well I have my course and personal coaching that can help.
Do you even know what you did wrong? You should start by telling her to shut up about the past and move on.
Tell her that. I am currently in a relationship that is damaged but fixable. However, that would be the first reaction running through my mind. Having him around, loving me, and being constant was exactly what I needed, I had always feared that he would leave me once he witnessed the extent of my disorder. But I just wanted to introduce a new outlook to you.
Dating bipolar boyfriend
Some, like me, search for someone to pull us up and not take care of us but help us take care of ourselves. I really like your comment altogether because it shows that everyone is different. So I agree with you as I always say to treat each person as their own unique individual. If she likes the white knight, then by all means do it. But generally, women are repulsed by it.
I want to ask you your advice. I dated a boy for 3 years. At least 3 times he showed me a side that terrified me. He isolates himself and I have fallen into that pattern as well.
I decided to leave him. It hurts immensely but I feel like our relationship wont work unless he gets help, which he flat out refuses to do. I feel unsafe, unhealthy and unhappy. He is a beautiful soul but this Pain It scares me and I hate when its directed toward me. I tried so hard. Is there hope of us getting back together and making it work? Without him getting professional help is it possible for it to work and for both of us to be happy?
If so, how? So my bigger concern for you is your feelings of sadness around others. I was ignorant to facts about being with someone with BPD until last summer.
Our relationship hits on almost every point you made in this blog. Now that I have made this realization Over the past 4 months or so I have been trying to kindly enforce boundaries like actually going out of the house and stop trying to be her savior. Unfortunately she does not react well to this. She is angry and becomes depressed when i try and do anything for myself, she will just go to bed.
I do love her dearly but i am calling it quits. MY thoughts are consumed by this now. Now, I do not know to encourage her to move back or not. IF we break up, there is no way she will stay here. AHHH complications! Thanks- E. You just need to tell her that she needs to do what she feels is best for herself and if that means ending the relationship, moving back, etc. Adear rick, very straight forward site. Hope you can give me some advice.
He,s been in a high to extreme high pase all the time i,ve known him, so i have yet to see the depressive side. We blend very well in ALL areas. So far, hes treated me with gentleness, kindness and respect.
He,s told me he,d like to get married at some future, although not necessarily to me. I really don,t want marriage. I,m pretty independent and have been for a very long time, but i really enjoy the close relationship he and i have together and would hate to see it end.
I,ve had 2 very long term relationships since being married, so i know i can have a close loving friendship without having to be married or living together. I,ve seen his manic symptoms. What does trouble me. He does take meds. I,m not a fixer. But, alcohol is what ruined my 25 year marriage, and i don,t want to go there again. Should i speak up? What should i expect when the high wears off and the other phase sets in?
Should i just enjoy what we have together now, and not expect a future together? He,s important in my life, and i believe i am to him as well. What do you foresee in your crystal ball? Yeah addiction of any kind can be dangerous as you know. Feel free to share stories of the past with him about how alcohol ruined your previous relationships. The key is to not be a fixer. So I will know that I need to handle the situation in a more appropriate way. More importantly, she wanted to have a family so do I.
But another challenge that we will face is the baby might inherit her sickness. Hope that I can handle this relationship well because I really love her. So the best case scenario is that your girlfriend gets her issues handled before having children. If you really want to help her, the way you do it is you let her understand how important self-improvement is to YOU. This behavior of yours will rub off onto her due to the laws of attraction.
So you need to make self-improvement a part of your lifestyle. Depression is usually caused by a lack of desire to live. Why does this happen? No goals, unsure of their path, lack of self-worth, etc. So to heal these problems, you must have goals and feel valuable. May I know where did you get this source from? I really need to read it.
Moreover, you got a very good point. Depression may cause or lead to lack of desire to live. Helping her to find the purpose to live do help her to overcome the pain during and trying to have the will to live. Dear Rick, please show me more readings that BPD is not genetic problem but psychological. Million of thanks! So imagine being a child growing up in an environment with BPD-like parents. Not the disorder. Well, somehow you got the point. Thanks a lot. I was doing that for the past couple of years and while it may have got me some fans, the reality is that the hard truths are what last.
5 Reasons Why BPD or Bipolar Relationships Fail
So expect more hard truths going forward. Get on my email list if this excites you which it should! But after sometime she started to detach herself from me and I read about this illness in great detail due to which I become extra protective towards her and at the same time I was going through a very bad stage in my life. I tried to reach out to her she said she needs her space and will be back once I give her that.
After sometime I did communicate with her but still no concrete reply but I love her and yes I read your article about perfection you feel with these people at the start and you drop your weapons down. I did that exactly and I suffered. I asked her in the last conversation if she is dating anyone and if she is I will leave right away, she declined straight away.
Its like she has found spark in many guys but after sometime it all fizzes out. Like she was just stuck with this guy for hours on whatsapp late night but now she is like detached again.
I understand her completely I committed some mistakes and she also has but I have grown from them.
If you want to know why BPD or Bipolar relationships fail, then you'll want to read this article. Key Takeaways. 1) BPD is a personality disorder and Bipolar is a mood jankossencontemporary.com important difference! 2) Your mentality influence your beliefs which then influence your jankossencontemporary.com bad, negative mindsets will create instability and eventually relationship failure. Dating during your twenties is an experience in itself, but when you live with a severely stigmatized condition like bipolar disorder, dating can really be a challenge. As a year-old mental health advocate who is publicly open about her life with bipolar II disorder, I have often experienced stigma in my dating life. Jun 20, Understanding the Bipolar spectrum and what type of Bipolar Disorder your partner has is essential to understanding what you can do to help. Bipolar Boyfriend: 9 Tips for Coping: Here are some tips for effectively dealing with a Bipolar Boyfriend: 1. Breathe. Having A Bipolar Boyfriend Is Rough.
Trust me before it was very tough to stay away from talking to her I used to make a complete fuck about me before. On May 9th she pings me but I ignored because I knew she was just trying to gain attention which she was getting all this while just stopped. This has been the case till now I love her I will accept her if she comes back but will talk when she comes back substantially to me.
Please guide how I can build myself in the process before she comes back to me! I know this story is incomplete and she has to come back to me I am sure but destiny is a fickle minded bitch.
I accept all her faults and mine too. I rest my case. We were together ten years and of course in BPD fashion she had a new boyfriend in about 2 weeks.
Broke my heart, but still want to be with her. She came to get the last of her stuff last night, I played her well. First, she had me bring down a big box of all her clothes, she had me put them on top of the 2 jackets the new guy got her for her birthday - both jackets were cheap. She started telling me how the new guy is spending all her money she has a good job, and he works part time for min. I had her in the palm of my hands by the end of the night when I made her leave. Fast forward to today, I pocket dialed her - she blocked my number then.
Managed a partial salvage by sending a text that she replied to only because I did so well last night. But the pocket dial really fucked things up.
Been in a relationship with a bipolar BPD female with an eating disorder for three years. That combined with fear for what our someday-kids might go though and a bit of cold feet on my part, made me break up with her and move out without really trying to confront her and talk things out. Thoughts, recommendations, tips? You got to take care of yourself first. So think about what you really want deep down and go for that.
Is this some sort of odd, almost-magical anomaly, or could there be an explanation for it all? How on earth has this worked for so long? Lol well as I always say, like attracts like. So because you two are very similar at your emotional level, you two are a compatible despite all the issues. I very recently broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months. When I met her I knew she was troubled, but was made to believe it was from sexual abuse at a young age and from the PTSD that accompanied it.
As we delved further into the relationship, I learned that as a young girl she had also slept with strangers for money, she felt terrible shame for this and it attributed to her flashbacks and PTSD. Other than her being a constant emotional wreck, our relationship seemed fine. Her doctors began to prescribe mood stabilizers, which never properly worked because she would develop terrible rashes and allergies to them before she could get the helpful affects on the brain.
Her psychiatrist said she had bipolar symptoms. She completely ignores me for the next two days after that, and is completely missing to me, her entire family and the few friends she has. Eventually she texts me, acting like everything was normal. Once I spoke to her on the phone I got it out of her. She cheated on me with some druggie who was sold her Xanax She also told me she slept with people for money when I had to attend my grandfathers funeral in a different state.
Naturally I broke up with her on the spot, but continued to worry to death about her because she gets insanely suicidal and was hanging out with stupid drug dealer kids who have loaded guns on them. She was in a completely manic state since the day she cheated on me, and was acting completely out of character the whole time.
She was that crazed, attacking them physically for trying to help her. I know how much she loved me, and I know all the cheating was induced by mania.
I still love this girl, but I think it would be too difficult to keep her in my life.
I have the feeling that I should walk away from this completely, maybe focusing on my own problems and finding someone new Could you give me any advice? I wish I read your blog earlier. Well what does your gut tell you? Ignore your heart for a minute and look at what your gut is telling you to do.
Is it saying to cut her off and leave her be? I also have the experienced about BDP relationship with my ex gf. God Bless! Been clean for a year. But l later found out the truth myself that she was seeing someone else. Her longest relationship seems to never last past 8 or 9 months. Does bi polar play a roll in this? Absolutely it does. BPD is much easier to treat in my opinion. It actually happens all the time. People date until they meet someone new, and BAM they dump you lol.
Happens all the time. And then they dump that person, come back to you, you no longer want them, onto the next person, who they dump, and so on and so on. My supposed BPD ex who has a schizophrenic Mom who is an old single lady with 2 dogs has just started dating her work colleague. I did display submissive behaviour and not respecting myself which i see now. I worked on my own self but now it is too late it seems.
I think the thing is that she has told me that she feels abandoned by everyone in her life and I was trying to show her not give her advice but just show her that I would be there for her no matter what.
Worry about your own life, your own needs and wants before you think about dating women. They second they see you like that, the relationship is done. I had a failing marriage and he went as far as to try and save me from it. Anyways, that being in the past, before we entered a serious relationship, I had warned him about A. He will go and purposely do something that annoys me i. But then he will go off on how he dislikes my beliefs or the fact that I am not an avid gay rights supporter or say something about finances that is in fact irrelevant being as we have figured out and planned what we are doing.
I am not perfect Everyone thinks the baby will be good for himand it will help him mature a littlewhich I am hoping.
Dating with Bipolar - Bipolar Disorder: In Our Own Words - WebMD
The fact is, we all have issues, whether you live with bipolar disorder or not. Today I approach dating with one purpose- to have fun.
Dating experiences can teach you a lot about yourself. Living with bipolar disorder gives you a very different perspective on the world around you. You look for meaning and depth in everything. We behave based on what we feel, not necessarily what we know is right or wrong. Sometimes this can lead us to be irresponsible and careless, but if handled properly, can actually be a gift to another person. In my opinion, everyone benefits from getting to know someone who is unlike them.
We live in a society right now that lacks empathy and is void of emotion. The most empathetic people I know live with bipolar disorder, depression or anxiety.
My dating experiences have opened me up to individuals who are very different from me as well. It is important for people to remember that challenges are inevitable in romantic relationships regardless of if your partner has a mental health condition or not.
My advice to those who live with bipolar disorder and ready to enter the dating world is to make sure you are confident in yourself. Do not assume you are the underdog because you live with a mental health condition. Self-love and self-acceptance are so important when it comes to dating with bipolar disorder.