December 10th, by Nick Notas 16 Comments. Yet the mainstream media, your family, and even you yourself perpetuate this idea. You disqualify yourself based on appearances alone. What if she shared no common interests with you? What if she was a horrible person? What if she was always dishonest?
My lifestyle? My home? My income? Who knows.
I am a female and feel the urge to comment. I married someone who felt I was below his league. In light of that, my opinion is that if you are thinking in terms of league then you damn well better be dating within it or you're going to have a bad time. In general I try to think of things person-to-person, case-by-case basis. As a rule, my fifteen-plus years of experience counseling men and women has shown that a good relationship requires being in a similar league in the intelligence department. Long after the lust ends, a couple will sit opposite each other for thousands of . Apr 27, Yes, when I was single, of course. But rather than say the person "was below my league", I believe "shared other ideas and lifestyle" is a better way to put it.
Or where he lives, or the care he drives, or the clothes he wears. A man who opts out too soon may never see past his own pre-judgment. When you take away the facade of material stuff, perceived accomplishments and achievements, etc. But for every man who opts out, there is a woman who also misses out.
Go on a date. Go on another date. If she sees something in you and likes you, then believe her, instead of your own doubting self-perception. Marie, that was one of the most warm and beautifully encouraging things I have read on that subject.
I love that you talk about how the guy who devalues his own worth also hurts the woman who misses getting to know him. If we think in terms of looks, money, fame, etc. But if we think in terms of courage, honesty, trust, warmth and vulnerability, there really is no one who is unattainable or beyond our capacity to connect with.
The guy you mentioned who you were sad to see disqualify himself was judging himself based on the wrong criteria. So in that way he was not in your league. I know you feel sad because you see that if he could see himself the way you see him, he would feel much more comfortable with himself and comfortable being with you.
I truly believe vulnerability is the single most important thing in connecting with another person. We can all see why he was scared to date you.
But because he would not share his shame with you it robbed you of the opportunity to show him that none of that mattered to you. The most amazing thing happens when people open up and share with each other in a courageous way. As you would have explained to him, the parts of him you valued, he would find a whole new side of you that was beautiful, and he would find a whole new side of himself that was beautiful. You just disqualified yourself and went home.
If I could ask all the guys to just be open and tell the most beautiful girl they know three things. Doing these things is hard and terrifying. But I promise the results will be amazing.
You will become a different person when you see how she reacts. So spot on Marie. We want to know the decent men not the arrogant slimy ones who are always the only ones to approach you. Men I have really cared for as friends first but who confessed to me months sometimes years after that they felt I was too out of their league to do something about their feelings.
One guy took ten years and I had by that stage moved away. Thank you for giving us hope that there are some men out there who are not intimidated or too scared to try just because a woman is attractive.
Stop Missing Dating Opportunities
It gets so depressing to watch my friend get more decent guys than me because they feel she is easier to approach. Thanks for a sensible approach. Please guys, spread the word.
But what about social circle? I guess what i am asking is what kind of women attracts the confident men? Brilliant postwith some very insightful comments. Women are attracted to men who appear confident and a considered approach to an attractive, successful and confident woman show her that you have this, even if your crapping yourself a the time. I believe that anything that gets us out of our comfort zones is good and approaching attractive women is certainly up there.
I told her this and she can see my int but she says it doesnt make it any better though. Have you.?
Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. Contact Media About Home. Stop Missing Dating Opportunities. I think she partially always felt inferior to me.
She couldn't handle the contrast in attractiveness. I think it depends on what you mean by "below your league.
If they are emotionally or mentally not an equivalent, I think it is less likely to work out. I won the World Series! Questions contribute nothing to a conversation and tell her nothing about you.
Too many questions makes it feel like a job interview. Never ask two questions in a row.
Statements can often replace questions. I was lonely and desperate.
Everyone said I was dating below me. It didn't last and was an ugly ending, but I didn't want him anymore.
People Reveal What It's Like To Date Out Of Your League (AskReddit)
It was better to be alone than to listen to his blabbering and prattling and talk talk talk talk talk. Plus, he really needed to get a job! I see the words "league" and "below" are showing your mental and emotional state at the moment.
Typically people who express this type of concern have self-esteem issues. Either they believe some sort of external status makes them better or they believe they are better than another human being just because they have that external status.
The question would be, "which are you? In the end, you'll both be years-old, wrinkled, bent over, and need to wear Depends on occassion. So, I think I'd be worried more about why "I" was concerned over dating someone that was "beneath" me, more than I would be concerned about whether or not to date someone that was.
Have you ever dated soemone who wasn't in your league? ate: I never believed in leagues.
Dec 10, "No way, she's out of my league!" I wish I never had to hear this again. I loathe the concept of a "league". It's destructive to your self-esteem and dating success. Yet the mainstream media, your family, and even you yourself perpetuate this idea. When I was a child, my father used to sing us a song which went, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife " (Soul, ). May 15, I've had women "below my league" attracted to me before, although I'm not in a very high league myself. I've always been friendly to them and even gone out to coffee or movies with some of them but I was never interested in dating them, the same way every woman who was out of my league was never interested in dating me but was friendly to me.
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Astarr 6 years ago Report. With out these recognized categorizations of what feature of a person is considered more attractive, there is no definitive league that exists.
Any social rank worth having is something that is most of the time earned. Social standing can also have the opposite effect. It can give capital power to a shitty person.
Dating below my league
The beautiful part of an esteemed social standing amongst peers is that it can make someone who you thought was repulsive seem like the nicest, cutest guy around.
When everyone around you is attracted to one person, it makes them more valuable. They are personal constructs. I once had a roommate who was obsessed with finding a guy who was filthy rich. She even made a profile on a dating website that is used specifically for girls in search of a sugar daddy. She cared if they were attractive, but she cared way more as to where they were financially.
You may think someone rich is in the league below yours. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.
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