In part 1 of her story, Finding Love after Obesity: One Patient's Story , Jen candidly shares the steps she took to self awareness and self love after massive weight loss following her gastric sleeve surgery. In part 2, Jen now shares how her newly gained self awareness and self love led her to happy dating relationships with men and eventually marriage. Jen also offers her best personal advice for those of us entering into the dating game after massive weight loss. My Bariatric Life: What were some of your concerns about attention from men and dating? Jen: My 1 concern was that I would resent men who suddenly paid attention to me because I was thin.
Getting to know yourself on a deeper level can be scary.
I think people shy away from it because they are afraid of what they might confront and need to deal with. But without an willingness to get uncomfortable, I don't think change is possible. MBL: What else did you learn and how did it change your life? I kept diligent notes from each relationship so I had something to look back on and tweak my criteria for finding my Mr. I guess you would say I was pretty methodical about it but that's because I wanted to grow from the experience personally.
Find a partner who supports your efforts to achieve a healthy lifestyle.
That can mean finding another post-op partner to get healthy with or a partner who's already healthy. Challenge and support each other.
Be each other's biggest cheerleader. Stay true to yourself. You have probably changed a lot in your weight loss journey. Figure out what is important to you in a partner and stay true to this. This will be your guidepost for helping you find the right person.
I've seen too many people not know themselves well enough to know what is important to them -or- they compromise their core values just to be in a relationship with someone. And they end up unhappy. I mean this in a literal and a figurative sense. Know that your spirituality can always guide you if you want it to whether that means sitting quietly in your house, doing yoga, or going to Church.
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Track with Me Thursday - make new friends! Running with Loseit - loseit running club. Last ated May 11, [ info ]. Weight Management. Diet and Food. Fitness and Exercise. Chat Services. Hi all. For the first time in my life, I'm starting to get attention from guys, and I'm not sure what to do never had a relationship before.
I feel quite confident in my body, and I've worked very hard to earn it. But at the same time, when the clothes come off, I lose all confidence. I'm afraid to get close to a guy, only to have him see me naked and be disgusted. I know that this is something I'll have to overcome on my own, ultimately.
Dating after huge weight lost. I downloaded a dating app (not tinder) and after 48 hours there was people who showed interest in my profile but I feel too overwhelmed and I just want to retreat and delete the app. I dissagree that a person who is willing to date you after weight loss is only interested in your body. That's like. Feb 27, But after undergoing the weight-loss surgery, losing more than pounds, gaining much of it back and eventually settling into her current healthy weight (and mindset), she had another procedure. Despite the physical and emotional difficulties and social isolation that can accompany massive weight loss, I am grateful to have improved my health and my relationship with food. My continued struggle with weight control is what lead me to study public health nutrition, and I have no doubt that my life would be different without this.
To those of you who have been through this; how did it affect your sex life? How did you learn to feel confident despite the loose skin? Edit: Thanks for all the great advice, everyone!
I wasn't expecting so many replies. Gotta love this sub. I'm gonna speak some "Old Lady-ese" into your life, lol.
I have been married going on 13 years and have been pregnant 7 times. My husband has seen my body in all sorts of ways. God bless him. So with this life experience, I would like to impart on you my most valuable wisdom. We can be so strange, wanting our SOs to notice out haircuts and weightlosses, but then get paranoid if they notice a wrinkle or some cellulite. We really are unfair when we expect our SOs to reject physical flaws.
It's a way of reducing people to be less complicated than they are and it is a bit insulting. An SO can see your flaws and still think you are beautiful and sexy and everything they want in their bed.
When we form relationships, we are usually looking for intimacy. Sometimes, yes, we want a hookup and that intimacy is shallow and short. Sure, maybe those interactions rely heavily on appearance. But most of the time, we are looking for deeper, more long-lasting intimacy. And appearance is really just a part of it. I say, your loose skin is a testimony to how strong and amazing and persistent and dedicated you are. Any SO worth a minute of your time would see that as admirable and sexy.
And most humans find one another sexy for more than just how their body looks. Anyone who doesn't, well, it's probably best that you keep your life full of as few of those as possible.
You've spent a long time reminding yourself that you are more than just what you look like on the outside.
MY DATING LIFE AFTER LOSING 100LBS- How People Treat You After Weight Loss - Rosa Charice
Don't give up on that idea now! I definitely needed to read that, because even though it sounds simple, I've never been able to really accept it.
Thank you. At the end of the day, we've just gotta own it.
Sure - reality is s bitch. Will it turn off some potential partners? Will it not bother others? You bet. There is nothing sexier than confidence, and I'd much rather have my potential mate just accept their loose skin and own it.
Welcome to ,
Yup, it sucks. But, it's better than being morbidly obese. In the future, it may improve or you might pursue removal, etc.
Hi all. I'm a year-old female, and I'm 32 pounds from my goal weight, after three years of weight loss (SW: , CW: , GW: ). For the first time in my life, I'm starting to get attention from guys, and I'm not sure what to do (never had a relationship before). Dec 06, Jen also offers her best personal advice for those of us entering into the dating game after massive weight loss. my bariatric life Jen and John met through an online dating jankossencontemporary.com: Cheryl Ann Borne. Jul 30, Hi All! Alex has graciously allowed me to post once about my dating site for weight loss surgery patients. I designed this site after input from several friends who have had weight loss surgery, myself included. Many of us are new to dating and just discovering ourselves and dating in general is.
But today - right now - you still deserve to live your life and enjoy yourself. This fucking go round is finite and precious, kiddo.
Choose to be happy. That was beautiful. Please tell me you're some sort of motivational speaker. Or at least a dad, because that pep talk was on point. Lol, thanks. I am neither of those things. I'm just trying to be passionate about life, and make healthy choices - emotionally and otherwise.
Loved this idea, but unfortunately it looks like it's no longer done. Mainly because it's substantially cheaper and easier to get the skin from dead donors, compared to living ones. I've still personally got roughly 35ish pounds to go before my goal weight, so this kind of stuff will be interesting to look into some day in the future.
Just remember that you will always give your own body more shit than anyone elses, take stretch marks for example.
Have you ever looked at someone with a bare upper body and thought "damn, those stretch marks are disgusting? Cruel people exist and sometimes can be just as terrible critics as our own mind. That said, i've unfortunately known these people for over 4 years and they are proud assholes, enjoy thinking themselves as better than others, and they will find something in 98 out of 99 people they are disgusted by.
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I am not proclaiming that I want to be a fat kid again. I inadvertently signed up for the Former Fat Kid complex that tends to mess with your psyche. Ask anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight, and they will tell you that an overhaul to your diet is almost a pre-requisite. The whole time I was losing weight, I only ate healthy food and deprived myself of any and all junk food.
Now that I am eating like a normal person, it does not feel normal anymore!
Dating after massive weight loss
I constantly feel like I am over-eating. Every meal I enjoy is fiercely pursued by a fleeting sense of guilt and disappointment. I beat myself up senseless emotionally and vow to never eat again.
I try to mentally calculate the amount of calories coursing through my digestive tract and compensate it with an unusually higher intensity of exercise. Did I also mention that this has been set on loop? Yes, I always held on to the fantasy of ending up with a great body complete with washboard abs.
In reality, I just ended up looking like a stretched out rubber band.
9 Harsh Realities No One Told Me About Massive Weight Loss
There is always an inexplicable need for validation from others. I want to forever bask in the glory of unwavering showers of compliments, awe and amusement. So, what do I do?
I delete and untag photos of my fat-self from social media platforms. Problem solved, right? Sure, I totally do not want to secretly impress people with my determination and weight loss success at all.
When I was at my rock bottom, I essentially became unaffected by opinions. I only had about two to three sets of clothing that I rotated to be worn. My hair was constantly disheveled and I did not bother shaving. My mind was not consumed by self-doubt and whether or not people would be repulsed by this appearance. I only ever had to consider my own comfort in what I was wearing. However, now it gets really tiring to be bogged down by my insecurities and constant need to be validated.