Paddy is in love. There are times [when our relationship] has plummeted to the depths whereby we were both ready to give up. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down inside. Those moments are what the person longs for.
Sep 29, I suspect that dating after a borderline involves an element of "trust" - in that it's hard to trust new people, cuz you wait for the other shoe to drop, or don't trust the new person's intentions, as the borderline was so wonderful at first and it took a while to see the real person on the inside. Maybe you are dating crazy. There are two categories of "crazy" according to the DSM. The first is mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, or PTSD. The second are personality disorders such as borderline, narcissistic, sociopathic, and obsessive-compulsive. Jul 03, Dating a man with Borderline Personality Disorder With all these difficulties that come with loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, why would you want to date a man who has it? First, it's important to remember that despite these intense and disruptive symptoms, people with BPD are frequently good, kind, and caring individuals.
If you are dating someone with BPD, it will be important for you to take the time to learn about this mental disorder. Educate yourself on what the typical symptoms are, so that you can manage these when your love interest is acting out due to his or her BPD.
You can also find academic articles in relation to BPD. This is the million-dollar question. With therapy and understanding on the part of the neurotypical partner, the answer is yes. But you should be prepared for a wild ride. Here are some of the things that you can expect to experience in your relationship with a person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder:.
No matter how much you may reassure your partner that you love them, the BPDer harbors a constant fear that you will leave them. At the same time, their tendency towards mood swings will have them shifting from feeling totally in love with you, to feeling smothered and intimacy -avoidant.
They will often find a reason to withdraw, at least temporarily, from the dating relationship. Lying - People with BPD lie. They do not see it as lying, but as a different way of seeing things. They may see themselves as hugely talented in a certain field, while in reality they have difficulty holding down a job due to their instability.
In their mind, their genius is just unrecognized. Many people with BPD have an ambiguous attitude towards sex, despite their promiscuity. Impulsive behavior - BPDers may act impulsively, going on spending sprees, for example. This can impact their financial state, putting themselves in debt, drawing huge credit lines and maxing out their credit cards. This can be stressful for the partner that may feel responsible for helping them climb out of their financial hole. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. The person with BPD can make you feel loved, needed, wanted, and elated because they want your attention, but also want to make you the center of their world. The Clinger Phase: As the person with Borderline Personality Disorder becomes more attached to you, you will notice changes over time.
They may seem small at first, but they will slowly become apparent. Their mood swings will become even more extreme and noticeable now, and all of their pain and suffering will be blamed on you, once again feeding the victim mentality.
Signs Your Partner Has BPD Those phases are anecdotal in nature, but give a picture of what going through a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder might be like. When we first started dating everything felt to good to be true. Like it was a fairytale. She told me I was everything she could ever imagine. Let me not leave this out - she actually had a gf at the time she met me but encouraged me that it was ending and she mentally checked out of the relationship at one point.
Then apologized after I found out. This woman was a sweetheart no doubt but she had ghost like behavior and would then justify it because of her bpd and issues in life. The main idea is that she lied to me and told me I was her everything and she would never hurt me again.
My experiences dating a borderline man
I look at this as a lesson learned although it sucks because I saw myself long term with this person and despite her issues, she treated me better than any other woman has. Better now than never. He is not diagnosed yet as he refuses to admit he has a lot of anger issues and he seems to be starting to be controlling and just all the traits of a normal person with borderline personality disorder I should know I have it. Like I said I do dearly love him the feelings I have for him are real but I feel suffocated.
When anyone mentions the fact that he seems controlling he goes into a rage sometimes sometimes he just gets upset and he denies all of it. I broke up mutual decision with someone who had many of the traits of BPD. I was fine with it for a few months, then when I realized there had been no contact she had children I had grown close toit set in that five years of my life were a toxic illusion.
But the experience has left me shell shocked and empty - and it has been six months with only a couple of emails back and forth breaking the no-contact. The BPD responded to both as if we had dated 10 years ago and that her life was great her entire family situation and life was a royal mess just months earlier, mind you. Not sure what was holding me back every time my brain told me to sprint, not just run.
Seems like he was smart enough to get out after years of misery, even though he was losing his kids. Four years later, she was still taking her husband to court and stalking him. Seems like she never got over him and I was a rebound - typical of BPD people.
Had few friends despite living near where she grew up. Most friends were casual acquantances from her places of employment who she called close friends. I never met many of them over the course of five years. While she may not have been visibly suicidal, a cutter or made public scenes high functioning BP the misery any level of these vampires cause makes you a zombie by the end of the relationship and makes you wonder about your own sanity and judgement for months after it finally is over.
My opinion for everyone: run!!!!! A BPD person can destroy your life. I have date one, my bad, the big mistake of my life he can acuse you for some shit that you never heard or seen ever they are the most dangerous people. My ex wife has BPD and we have been seperate for two years now. The first couple of years were good but then after that, it was chaos.
She was a compulsive liar, addicted to shopping and spent thousands and thouasands of dollars behind my back. She faked cancer twice and went to extreme lengths to convince myself and family that she was undergoing treatment.
Healing after dating a borderline - If you are a middle-aged woman looking to have a good time dating woman half your age, this advertisement is for you. Men looking for a man - Women looking for a woman. Join the leader in rapport services and find a date today. Join and search! Dating can be a complex and tricky endeavor. Relationships require work, compromise, communication, empathy, and understanding. Things become even more complicated if you are dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Oct 26, The people who are avid advocates for going no contact after a borderline breakup are usually people without BPD. They think that if they are out of the BP's sight, they will simply forget about.
The last two years has been the hardest of my life and we have two young children. All she ever wants to do is be better than what she is.
Thank you to every one on here i split up with my ex boyfreind with bpd 6 weeks ago i am still mortified to thw point i need councilling ,when does this get better i wish i had jnown about this early on on our relationship maybe it would of been different,one thing i realise though is i could never of loved him enough to him and in the endcsadly i had to end it because i was in to much pain with his constant need for drama ,and it would help if you kissed mw more well it appears we must of been in different relationships because I did all that nothing would of ever been enough.
Good luck to every body this is so hard even after 6 weeks x. What if the the person with BPD was being abused in some way or cheated on. I am someone who has dated people who have done a number of things during our relationship such as: cheating, ditching, gossiping, gaslighting, and general abuse.
I am open and honest with everyone I date. Unfortunately the view that there is nothing they can do and that we are basically incapable of change gives them the okay to scapegoat and blame the person with bpd as the sole cause of every issue in a relationship. You could expect that you would initially feel misunderstood and helpless, and then as time went on you might lose your shit. Like many human beings I have messed up in my relationships, but I can recognize the times I went wrong and the times when I was just outright abused.
Instead of focusing on how horrible that person that you dated who was suffering from a horrible, debilitating, and damning mental illness, perhaps you could focus on what you can learn? If you want to date someone with bpd. Learn about the illness through legitimate sources and find ways to help. Also understand that no matter how trivial or stupid or ridiculous you think their feelings are that what they experience is real and as a human being that is part of a relationship they deserve compromise too.
Lewis, my situation sounds so similar to the one you had. Prior to that, I noted many our the observations in the relationship that you have made regarding your own relationship. It is some how reassuring to know that others have had a similar experience.
He was abusive both emotionally and physically to his wife of 20 years but always claims to friends, family and myself that he was the victim.
Having experienced his rages and the emotional abuse, I think she was the victim and perhaps became physical in effort to protect herself. I never was allowed to meet his ex-wife during our relationship as he never introduced us despite numerous opportunities to do so.
I connected with his ex-wife after he abruptly broke up with me and started dating someone else the very next day.
Signs You Might Be Dating Someone with BPD
She has conveyed emotional, physical, and psychological abuse over the years they were together. He had a girlfriend prior to me who supposedly broke up with him and he was devastating and claimed he had no insight as to why it ended between them. He was aware and seemed to lack an insight into why they did this. In addition, he choose to break off the relationship with me on the day that he knew was emotionally trying for me ie divorce court day of a long and drawn out divorce due to assets in the marriage.
Is that a common ploy of someone with BPD when they break-up with someone in order to completely shatter someone that had truly cared for them? Still searching for answers so that I can heal and move on as I am not certain I am ready to put my heart and trust out there again.
My gf of 12 years has BPD plus a combination of other mental disorders. In the beginning it was we had our ups and downs. Always jealous and afraid I was sleeping with anyone I talked to.
She always threatened to kill herself if I ever left her which I never told her I would. She would give in to her addictions of either self harm or alcohol or drug abuse and always end up in rehab centers.
I supported her fully percent. Etc etc. Although I never knew what I was getting into I believed she was worth loving and she loved me unconditionally. I have some insecurities so she built me up and loved me like no other. Very loving and affectionate. But when her illness magnified and surfaced it was pure hell.
But even still I stayed because I was committed. Just recently she relapsed on a drug overdose and was sent back to rehab center. It shocked me to say the least and felt like my heart was literally ripped out. She was so callaused about it and I was bawling my eyes out not understanding. I hate what it does to the person that suffers from it and I hate what it does to the person that loves them through it. Everything was just thrown away like it meant nothing at all.
And while they continue in their next quest for fulfillment it leaves us empty and broken-hearted.
Because I gave everything and did everything to ensure her happiness and well being. I hate it.
I broke up with my bf of 2 years about a month ago. I hate fighting. This fools me everytime. I honestly believe it because I know its true. Sometimes he just randomly gets angry and tells me to fuck off, its over, accompanied by personal insults which can be hurtful. He regularly accuses me of seeing someone else - which I have never, and would never do in any relationship.
During our time together, we moved in for a few months. It was great to begin with. Then he started dragging my kids into his whirlwinds to the point where they moved out, one behind my back.
Somehow my devastation took second place to his outrage. All he was trying to do was be a good parent figure to them. I see that now. He began verbally abusing my kids and me each night after more and more drinks supplemented with antihistamines to increase the effect. It got severe enough the kids were out and he verbally attacked, then physically attacked me, punched holes in the walls and left the dog out.
I ended up having to go to police to get him to break the pattern. He moved out. We had no contact for a few weeks, then he sent me a message and I got sucked in again. I thought I understood him. He told me that when he goes off on one I should ignore it as he calms down in a couple of days. He does this with his kids sometimes too, although his ex protects them.
So we followed this pattern for a while. We had the best time just hanging out. This time he broke up with me, rationally.
It was followed by a barrage of abusive texts so I blocked him. Maybe so. I think BPD and bipolar is a bad combo. I know he loves me. I love him but one of us has to stop this mess. The hourly constant pain, missing him so much. I found this forum in a bid to distract myself from the pain. He wants us to be friends. And this will bring anger and threats.
After dating a borderline
It feels like theres no solution. It seems kinder to both of us to end it now.
Damn its painful. The sad thing is, he is a good man with a big heart, but creates chaos and pain at regular intervals. No contact seems to be the most advised. I liked the comment by someone of her responding briefly to texts when he contacts he, but maintaining boundaries. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. There may have been nothing you could do.
Similarly, after the break up, you will likely feel that if you had tried harder, you could have saved the relationship. But that is often not the case.
Signs Your Partner Has BPD
Specific thought and behavioral patterns associated with BPD develop in late adolescence and persist throughout life. Your former partner is not going to change unless they receive BPD treatment. So abandon hope and try to look out for yourself so that you get your needs met.
Cut off contact. A person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder can experience depression and anger when a relationship ends. In fact, they might develop a feeling of hostility toward you. Reconnection may spur another set of emotional issues, so back off.
Rebuild your life.
With their charm and undivided attention, you may have felt exceedingly happy when the relationship was going well. With the source of fulfillment gone, you may feel empty, which can make it more difficult to move on. You need to figure out why you feel that void. Perhaps, it would help if you developed a few interests. Maybe you never really gave the time to figure out what you wanted to do in life? This is a good time to start answering these questions, build a life for yourself, and move on.
First Name. Add Me to Your Newsletter. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Marty 9 years ago.
Oct 30, Dating with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may be difficult because BPD is marked by intense and stormy interpersonal relationships. It's a part of the diagnostic criteria of jankossencontemporary.com my own personal life, romantic relationships were often marked by drama and more drama. Apr 19, In the worst of times, he likens dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder to having a relationship with someone who has dementia. "Sometimes they look into their parent's eyes and they see a spark. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down jankossencontemporary.com: Elisabet Kvarnstrom. I am trying to get back into the dating scene after a year of emotional abuse from a borderline. So charming, loving, protective of me the first two months. No one (I'm 32 now) had ever made me feel so special and I felt like I was the absolute center of his world. It was the best I'd .
Laura 8 years ago. Lauren 5 years ago. Joel 5 years ago. Drew 5 years ago. Chorra 5 years ago. Martin 4 years ago. Chorra, great reading your views. Tara 4 years ago. Drew 4 years ago.
Melissa 4 years ago. Delores BJ 4 years ago. Will 4 years ago. Lucy 4 years ago. Myriam 3 years ago. Chorra I really liked reading your side of the story. Colin 3 years ago. Jeremy 3 years ago. Jolene 3 years ago.
Dear all, reading all of your stories is incredibly helpful to me. Ben 3 years ago. Ali 3 years ago. Mathew 3 years ago. TheLegitDramaQueen 3 years ago. Wow, I did not realize so many people wrote in the meantime. Mentalillnesssucks 3 years ago. Just ended it after three years My ex is so destoryed She just sleeps with everyone lies cheats drugs abuse Sick of it I love her but have to go. Bruce 3 years ago.
Harper 3 years ago. Hi All, I have been in turmoil the last few weeks and have come to the devastating conclusion that I must break with my suspected BPD partner. Isla 3 years ago. Lucy, your post best exemplifies a BPD reaction to life.
Amber 3 years ago. Julia 3 years ago. Mavrik 3 years ago. If you can, please avoid this type of relationship, it WILL destroy you. Karen 3 years ago. Jay 3 years ago. TY 3 years ago. Hey All, I just wanna say thank you for your stories in regard to those who are bpd diagnosed and those who are or who have dealt with those who have bpd.
Lost and confused 3 years ago. Lewis 3 years ago.
Lauren 3 years ago. Mike 2 years ago. Guys, My ex wife has BPD and we have been seperate for two years now. Allison Grayson 2 years ago. Bree 2 years ago.