Featured below is a clickable table linking to 45 possible combinations of Enneagram types in relationship with each other. These combinations allow us to see deeply within our own character structure and assist us in developing healthy relationships with our partner, family members, friends, clients and co-workers. These combinations can help us gain insight and a deeper sense of ourselves and others, which leads to compassion. Explore the table above, featuring the 45 combinations of Enneagram type relationship s. Before visiting the various Matrix pairings, review the instructions and background information below. Within each of the combinations, I explore the relationship dynamics of each type with every other type, placing an emphasis on the circle of conflict that naturally occurs between the types and how this circle can lead to relationship distress and disruption.
Twos are warm, outgoing, thoughtful and considerate, generous, and encouraging. Twos are also practical and action-oriented, willing to pitch in where needed and to do the things that need to be done, no matter how unpleasant or unglamorous. To this mix, Fours bring creativity, a sense of humor, a willingness to laugh at human foibles, and emotional honesty.
They see their own craziness and their own falseness and they do not try to varnish the truth of their quirks from themselves or from the Two. Fours also bring a sense of beauty and of subtlety into the relationship: they care about how things impact on themselves and others, and so they go out of their way to arrange their world to be more aesthetically pleasing, allowing the Two to feel more relaxed and nurtured. Fours also bring emotional depth and sensitivity to their relationships, a sense of mystery and ujankossencontemporary.comedictability, sensuality and sexual freedom.
In short, Fours invite Twos to take a closer look at their deeper needs, the truth of who they are and what they actually feel. Twos appreciate the subtleties and nuances that Fours bring, and Fours thrive in this atmosphere of appreciation. They can lighten up each other with unexpected humor and appreciation of each others' quirks.
Each invites the other to mature emotionally, usually without saying so. Both help the other to stop being so concerned about what others think of them and to become more inner-directed.
Since both types avoid painful feelings and negatives, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced. This cycle of blame creates pain and anger in both.
Hi, I'm a 4w5 woman dating a 1w2 man long-term. I just wanted to share my observations. I think we have certainly learned a lot from each other about emotions. As a Four I have always had strong emotions but I've often repressed them and withdrawn for fear of being vulnerable. Enneagram 4w5: The Four with a Five-Wing. Fours and Fives are similar and different at the same time. Their similarity is their habit of withdrawing from others, although they do it for different reasons. Fives withdraw to protect their peace of mind and autonomy, and Fours withdraw to avoid rejection. Usually Twos and Fours make better friends and colleagues than intimates. Surprisingly, this pairing is rare in intimate relationships. One would think that they would be a natural fit with each other: the rescuer (Two) and the rescued (Four), the lost child and the parental figure. The problem is that there can be too much emotionality and.
If the difficulties are not faced, alienation can take place and the relationship can dissolve. Performers and Protectors can join together in pursuit of shared goals with vigor and determination. However, control and competition struggles can emerge unbuffered by softer feelings. A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue with the Protector picking up on the changes of position on the part of the shape-shifting Performer, leading to more provocation of the all-or-nothing style of confrontation.
Hurtful fights, withdrawal, and disruption of the relationship may ensue leading to termination the relationship.
In turn, Performers help to mobilize Mediators into action. Getting frustrated and impatient, the Performer may pressure the Mediator to make decisions. Feeling discounted and controlled, the Mediator can become anxious, stubborn and resistive. This then may escalate into angry exchanges and debilitating, prolonged stand-offs that threaten or may even dissolve the relationship.
Then, they may feel disappointed in each other or themselves and feel that something important is lacking. A push-pull can take place between them when what is absent and longed for seems better or more ideal than what is present and fulfilling.
A cycle of escalating conflict can arise in, which they compete for understanding, acknowledgement, support, and attention. Moodiness, anger over disappointments, and loss of steadiness may ensue. When this push-pull cycle repeats often enough the relationship can destabilizes and dissolve. In general, however, Romantics want more and Observers want less in relationship.
Romantics can experience Observers as emotionally unavailable, overly intellectual, withholding, and controlling of time and energy, while Observers can experience Romantics as too emotional, demanding, intrusive, and difficult to satisfy. A cycle of escalating conflict can occur with the Romantic becoming more demanding and self-focused and the Observer more retracted and detached from feeling. At worst, this can devolve into paralysis of action, disengagement, and ultimately alienation.
The Enneagram in Relationships-What Types Go Well Together
Loyal Skeptics appreciate the creative flair, authenticity or genuineness, and depth of heartfelt feeling of Romantics. But conflict arises when the Romantic seem insatiable in wanting what is lacking and when their feelings change dramatically.
This, in turn, can generate a cycle of escalating conflict, which leads to further disappointment, hurt, and demands for attention by the Romantic accompanied by the push-pull pattern of alternatingly spurning and embracing the Loyal Skeptic, which tends to magnify or heighten his or her doubts and mistrust of the relationship. Angry outbursts, accusations, and withdrawal may be the result disrupting the relationship. The Romantic then can push for more attention and authenticity and expresses further disappointment.
4w5 Dating. Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline 4w5 not contrary to your freedom or individuality. Fours grow 4w5 learning dating see that much of their 4w5 is not true-or at least it is not true any more. I don't really indulge in anything, except maybe laziness. 4w self-acceptance and development. I'm dating a 9 and one of my closest friends is a 2 (actually a bunch of my friends are 2s). I have to have boundaries. I have to express clearly when I'm upset by something. Before I was able to be more aware of my 4w5's ego, I was more self-absorbed person. This was two years ago. May 16, The answer is that all type combinations can be happy together if both partners have high levels of self awareness. And the reverse is true. All combinations may struggle if both people have a lack of self awareness. Type compatibility is more about similar levels self awareness than it is about personality type. The basic guidelines are.
The Epicure gets impatient and wants to escape seeming limitations and create a positive future, which can further polarize the relationship. The gulf between them can become larger and larger culminating in a vast sea of hurt, anger, withdrawal, and even dissolution of the relationship.
Romantics may experience Protectors as overpowering, insensitive to their impact and to tender feelings, dominating with all-or-nothing declaratives, and even crude. Protectors may experience Romantics as overly dramatic and emotional, falling into inaction, self-focused, and demanding.
Both compound this by insisting on their own points view. Polarization with entrenched fighting, intense anger, and withdrawal may follow endangering the relationship and even leading to dissolution of the relationship. A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue if the Mediator responds by feeling deficient and digs in, becoming stubborn and resistive.
Both types can resist influence, become angry, and blame the other for their difficulties. Both can then withdraw and fall into inaction and manifest feelings of deficiency and sometimes depression. In time, this cycle can threaten or even result in termination of the relationship. Observers bond through shared intellectual interests and participation in meaningful projects and activities. Observers can relax with each other in this non-demanding climate. The same stance and qualities, however, can lead to loss of contact, emotional distance, and disconnection.
Both can feel ignored and even deprived, experience each other as miserly and unavailable, and ultimately feel lonely and impoverished. A cycle of increasing conflict may result characterized by frustration, cryptic sharp comments, short angry outbursts, and finally retraction and withdrawal. In the end there may not be enough contact and nurturance to sustain the relationship.
The 45 Combinations of Enneagram Relationships
Observers and Loyal Skeptics appreciate their shared characteristics of thoughtful intellectual analysis, respect for boundaries, sensitivity, and non-demandingness. A cycle of escalating conflict can result with the Observer experiencing the Loyal Skeptic as making too many demands. This cycle can spiral downward disrupting the relationship as the Loyal Skeptic expresses intensified fears and allegations and the Observer responds with bursts of anger and further retreat, eventually ending the relationship.
A cycle of escalating conflict can take place, however, when the Observer experiences the Epicure as violating personal boundaries and as wanting too much contact, sociability, variety, and energy.
The Epicure then can experience the Observer as dampening his or her enthusiasm, retracting, and becoming unavailable. As a result, over time there may not be enough contact or commitment to sustain the relationship. In addition, both types value autonomy and independence. Both may end up angry, hurt and detached from each other. This cycle can ultimately threaten the viability of the relationship.
The Observers-Mediators relationship can be a comfortable, supportive one because both types can be steady and non-demanding, and both types want to get along and avoid conflict. A cycle of increasing conflict can unfold with the Mediator, wanting more connection and involvement, complaining, and getting stubborn or dug in and the Observer retracting further and withholding.
Both can escalate the conflict by trying to avoid conflict. And both can fall into angry withdrawal and inaction. Ultimately, this may result in not enough contact to sustain the relationship. Hence, they often are uniquely suited to support and protect each other because they share this worldview. Conflict arises, however, around differing doubts, fears, and concerns.
When it occurs each Loyal Skeptic can become contrary, oppositional, and mistrusting of the other. If this escalates into a cycle of increasing conflict, difficulties can get magnified, resulting in angry allegations.
While the more counterphobic Loyal Skeptic becomes more challenging and confrontive, the more phobic Loyal Skeptic becomes more withdrawing. This ultimately can disrupt and even end the relationship if neither takes responsibility for what they are projecting onto the other.
The Epicure, who deplores limits, then tries to escape, providing rationalizations for his or her point of view.
Finally, polarization and episodes of angry allegations can disrupt and even dissolve the relationship. Angry confrontations may occur, causing either one to withdraw. Ultimately, the cycle of confrontation and counter-confrontation or withdrawal can lead to alienation and a lasting disruption of the relationship.
Loyal Skeptics and Mediators often harmonize through their efforts to create a predictable, supportive, and secure relationship. The Mediator may dig in, getting stubborn and oppositional, and not do what he or she seemingly agreed upon especially when the Loyal Skeptic becomes provocative and even questioning to the point of becoming bitingly critical.
This can end in stalemates, angry blaming, and withdrawal that threaten the viability of the relationship. Epicures enjoy each other, matching one another well as free spirited companions and visionaries.
They also may avoid or rationalize away difficulties. The basic guidelines are: Two highly self aware people have the best chance of success. Two highly unaware people may be able to continue in a relationship but it is usually characterized with relationship problems. Their chance of real success is low. The two people will not understand each other enough to continue.
That said, there are couplings that seem to happen more frequently. We should say female Type 2 Helpers are often found with male Type 8 Leaders.
Gender makes a difference when it comes to the frequency of the combinations.
INFP/Type 4 on Responsibly Handling A Crush
However male Type 4 Artists with female Type 9 Peacemakers are extremely rare 2 couples.