In the passenger seat was my high school boyfriend. We had become infatuated with one another senior year, and we were now facing the inevitable relational shift: going to different colleges. Our chosen colleges were three hours apart and neither one of us had a car or money. I was devastated, but a few weeks had passed and we were still in semi-regular contact. I would sign onto iChat everyday, and we spoke as if nothing really had changed.
It's common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be much less comfortable speaking to you in confidence if she thought the details of her personal life were going to be relayed to someone who used to share her toothbrush.
I'm going to use female pronouns for your friend, and male pronouns for your sweetie, for the sake of simplicity; however, every rule here applies no matter the genders of the participants.
Keep your friend's secrets. The reverse is also true; no matter how much you love discussing your dude with your besties, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life.
Save it for your diary or for anyone who didn't date him. Don't trash talk.
It's OK to come to your partner for advice if you're arguing with your friend, or vice versa, but absolutely resist the urge to belittle or insult one of them to the other. This can be extremely tempting if they ended on bad terms and you know you'll find a sympathetic ear. However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it's crucial that you never seem even a little like you're taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact.
If you need to vent about one of them, find a neutral party. Respect boundaries without making assumptions. For instance, if your friend doesn't want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don't pressure her. But don't assume she doesn't want an invite if you haven't asked! In general, allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don't push them to associate if they're not into it. Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other.
This goes for friends and partners who haven't dated, too, now that I think of it.
Set aside time for each of them and honor it - don't drag your lover along on girls' night out not even if your lover is a lady; queer chicks are so bad about thisand don't invite your friend to what was supposed to be a romantic dinner at home. No comparisons.
Only Date Your Friend's Ex If You're Prepared For This
Don't do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you're going rock climbing with Sunday. No matter what his answer is, it's going to make things weird. Besides, comparing yourself to anybody - even if you come out ahead - is always going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy.
So don't seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you're not interested in hearing it. You and your friend are not in competition, except when you're actually playing Scrabble.
Don't be paranoid.
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Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case.
Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back.
Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love. And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.
Don't pry into their relationship.
Best friend is dating my ex
It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge. Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.
Their relationship is between them; it's not your cautionary tale or your soap opera. She and I were soul sisters, spoke on the phone for hours, had sleepovers all the time. She was my rock. She started to date this guy and four months after they broke up we started to see each other.
Also, I knew so much about their relationship. Mariella replies Move on, or backpedal a bit?
May 29, The dilemma I'm dating this amazing jankossencontemporary.com problem is he is my best friend's ex. She and I were soul sisters, spoke on the phone for hours, had sleepovers all the time. Aug 21, Dating your ex-partner's best friend can feel like a tricky situation, as you do not want to upset your ex-partner. If you have strong feelings for your ex's best friend and you feel you both have a future together, you may want to figure 83%(6). Advice for a woman who wrote to tell me, "My ex and my best friend are dating:" As I just passed the one-year anniversary of my divorce, I've learned that what many had suggested at the time of my separation is most likely true: there is "something" between my ex and my former BFF. I .
I know the world we live in now is based on the principle of forward momentum - eyes to the fore, sights set on future goals and opportunities. We are alert to anything that tries to buffet us backwards. Too much focus on distant and elusive peaks, and it can get pretty messy on your path.
My Ex is Dating My Friend! How to Handle it and How to Keep From Going Insane
You can find yourself with little to cling to when the occasional downward slide occurs. All too often our mistakes do lie behind us. Now and again, revisiting the scene of the crime, rather than marching resolutely in the opposite direction, makes a lot of sense.
Jun 04, Whether you're gay, straight, bi, or not into labels, dating a friend's ex can absolutely be done without sacrificing your friendship - you just have to follow a few simple guidelines. 1. Don't Author: Lindsay King-Miller. Jun 14, I think, "My ex is dating my friend" is very common, especially if you live in the suburbs, where everyone knows everyone. It's an unselfish act. If she goes off on you, at least you can say you handled it the best way you could have. Jackie Pilossoph is the author of the blog, Divorced Girl Smiling. Mar 27, I split up with my ex a year ago and quickly started dating. I met someone nice, but within weeks I discovered that my ex and my best friend had started a relationship. When I Author: Molly Ringwald.
How about some advice on how to make amends? Only if she was deceived or betrayed when they were dating should you have major misgivings.
Mar 17, It doesn't matter how long you dated your ex, who broke up with who, or if you're still sometimes hooking up with him, it still feels like a slap in the face to find out your friend is dating him.I mean like Gretchen Weiners said, ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends, that's just like, the rules of jankossencontemporary.com the reality is that it happens, and sometimes it happens to you. Apr 12, Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex. If you find out that your friend is dating your ex, you might feel the urge to dish the dirt on your ex or sabotage the relationship. Ultimately, however, this could just end up damaging your relationship with your friend%(28). I think, "My ex is dating my friend" is very common. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips on how to handle it and how NOT to go insane: 1. Your ex and "your friend" are the ones who should feel stupid, NOT YOU! What they are doing is really uncool and unacceptable. YOU have done nothing to warrant their behavior. 2.